Any parent of a child in boarding school can attest to this fact: You don’t stop worrying about him, even after the admissions and enrollment processes are complete. (Does any parent ever stop worrying about his or her child?) There are dozens of benefits to boarding school, and you’ve made your decision, in part, by evaluating what the school offers that will help your child thrive. But, as a parent, how can you be sure your son IS thriving at boarding school? In our 100+ years of experience providing a supportive and challenging boarding environment for boys in grades 5 through 9, we’ve noticed some common themes.
Look for these telltale signs that your son is surviving and thriving:
1. He never calls.
Many members of the junior boarding school community (including teachers, advisors, and coaches) often find themselves reminding students to call or email home. The full school life of boarders, unlike the 7 a.m. to 2 p.m. schedule of day schoolers, is such a rich experience that students sometimes neglect the outside world. From family-style meals with their friends, to compelling classes, to after-school sports and supervised study time, they develop a world of their own. Academics, athletics, and social time all contribute to their holistic growth in an immersive, seamless environment. They’re so connected with peers and faculty that boys (especially from age 10-14) can tend to forget that mom and dad want in on the experience, too.
2. When he does call, he talks about school – a lot.
Gone are the days when your conversations looked like this:
Parent: How was your day at school?
Child: Fine.
Parent: What did you do today?
Child: I dunno. Nothing.
Typically, when a boarding school student talks with his parents, he’s abuzz with news: he auditioned for the school play; he got to design a prototype for a 3D printer; he traveled to a Cape Cod beach last Saturday and a Major League Baseball game last Sunday. He learned about the holiday traditions of his Japanese roommate, and his Indian classmate taught him a few words of Hindi. Oh, and, by the way–he’s gotta go; they’re about to start watching a movie with his dorm parent’s family.
3. He’s changed (in a good way).
When a junior boarding school promotes character education–and successfully executes on that promise–it shows. Boys return home on school breaks, and parents notice small differences that indicate increasing maturity. Students are more confident, more competent in connecting with adults, and more socially adept at sharing stories and holding conversations. They’re less childlike and more capable of navigating the world.
The junior boarding school experience typically culminates in ninth grade, and, by this time, boys (especially those who have boarded for multiple years) carry themselves differently. As leaders of the school, they’ve developed the confidence to serve as role models for younger students.
Whether serving on student government or volunteering to read to the Pre-K, they rise to the challenge, carrying the responsibility of leadership with guidance from supportive adults in the boarding community. By this point, there’s no question of whether a child is thriving–his actions and character speak for themselves.
Remember that transitions take time. Will your son be a changed person in the first week of school? Maybe–maybe not. Change can be challenging for children (and parents!) of any age, but most boarding schools and junior boarding schools have solid supports and strong communities in place to help even the most reserved or trepidatious students thrive.
Learn More
The Fessenden Boarding Advantage
Weekends at Fessenden – one of the reasons he’s not calling
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